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He…Slimed Me

snotBB has been enjoying off and on colds ever since he picked up more days at school. One leaky side effect of his perma-cold is the amount of fluid pouring from his nose on a 24 hour basis. You wanna guess where his nose goes if you pick him up. That’s right, all over my shoulder. Of course that is better than when I’m on the floor of his room which results in him make a snot-dye shirt out of my clothes. Oh, least we forget if you are sitting in a chair and he walks over, you can bet good money that your pants are gonna take a hit. Besides keeping tissues handy or re-enacting the Boy in the Bubble, there isn’t much you can do to keep the mucous from landing on you and over you and sometimes in you. As gross as it is, I can’t help but chuckle because at the end of the day it means only one thing, they can’t take a way my license, I truly am a parent.  

Show me the Baby and No One Gets Hurt

jarBB has just started a new trend. Since he still refuses to eat solids we have been feeding him baby food. The Earth’s Best jars feature a picture of baby on them. Okay, where is he going with this? Every time The Mommy or I feed BB and our fingers cover the jar while we hold it, a problem is created. BB using whatever force is necessary demands that we uncover the baby on the jar and show it to him. Failure to comply is not an option. However, lest you think BB is a jerk. There is indeed a method to his madness. Once revealed the baby picture makes him laugh with intense joy. It is possible that his love for the baby on the jar is what is keeping him from eating regular food and if that is case I hope his college roommates enjoy feeding him banana-mango in a jar.

You Can Have it When You Pry it From My Hand

crowbar_36335_lgBB has started asserting his dominance. Now that he is 14 months and walking like a fiend he has decided to take things to the next level. Whenever I am laying on the floor in his room watching him play (and to be honest using my iPhone) he grabs my hand, forcibly, and pry’s open my fingers to shove a toy or book in it. Of course he demands it be returned almost immediately calling into question why he was so insistent in the first place. The very first time he pulled this move, I had no idea what was happening I thought he was trying to mug me for the iPhone. I can’t stress enough just how much force he used, torque was involved. The good news is that now I know his plans I don’t resist.

Walk Much

Frankenstein-1931-Boris-Karloff-Mae-ClarkeNow that BB is a walking maniac the bumps and bruises are in full effect but one funny thing that is also in full effect is his by now world famous Frankenstein walk. Of course 90% of the cause is the bulky cloth diaper he wears which bows out his legs, but still I would like to think he is a classically trained master vaudevillian and he is doing his Frankenstein walk on purpose. The other funny movement related bit in his act revolves around the wobble. For fear of a spit take, don’t drink when he is trying to balance himself from toppling over. I mean it looks like he is trying to surf. I only make fun because he always nails it and never goes down. Okay that’s not true but he always lands on his bottom.

Down Boy

cubssssSo here is a random thing BB just started doing. He will be on all fours and stick his head on the floor and rock a little followed of course by a laugh. Perhaps it’s not all that random if you think about LTD doing Yoga but since he only does yoga once a week in school I will go back to calling it random. Sometimes it feels like he just enjoys the view from that angle and other times it seems like an interpretive dance. The closest way I can think to describe it is that he looks like a bear cub. No matter his reasons he seems to be enjoying himself and as long as he doesn’t make me do it, then it’s all good.

CIA Trained

9780689844331_p0_v1_s260x420BB has taken the young toddler game of Peek-a-Boo to a whole new level. Sure he enjoys putting the blanket over his head and pulling it off and certainly when you hide, he laughs, but he wanted to up his game. The last few days he has taken to hiding behind LTD’s bed and popping out with an accompanied laugh. He very deliberately slides his body back, pauses and then drifts out from his hidden perch to place a big smile into the world. Okay, I know what you’re thinking, every baby does that. What I’m dealing with is the very thoughtful and planned way that BB hides and pops out. I feel like he is imagining himself to be a secret agent if a secret agent’s mission was to play Peek-a-Boo. I wish I could experience that same level of joy but the only times I play Peek-a-Boo is when I catch myself in the mirror and peek my receding hair line and listen as the ghostly image in the reflection says boo.

Don’t go Chasing Waterfalls.

Boy-spitting-water-MG-6359Amazingly, BB has picked his approaching first birthday to get his first year molars. When you look at these square bad boys erupting from his swollen gums you just know the whole thing is unpleasant. You also know that BB chooses to spread that unpleasantness around by having his nose constantly run and water (drool) to flow voluminously and freely from his gaping maw. He goes through about two shirts a day as he just drenches them by the time you have pulled his arms through the sleeves. Of course you also have to change shirts during the day if you accidentally pick him up and hold him. But BB is nothing if not thorough so just to make sure everything in his vicinity is covered with liquid he will occasionally take his always inserted finger out of his mouth and take a nice line of drool and make it fly through the air.

A Ten-Month-Old’s Letter To Santa

vovleThis is the kind of thing that I wish I came up with: Here.

Like Gag me with a Spoon: The Next Generation

breadcrumbs2All know well BB’s reluctance to consume solid food and everyone knows this kid’s gag reflex has a hair trigger. However, the nutritionist wanted him to eat solids asap but that did not go well. After our 9/10 month appointment and a nice conversation with our doctor he explained that it doesn’t make sense to force solids on him if all he is going to is puke. He suggested doing it very slowly and that like all things it would take time. So every now and then we try different items in an attempt to get BB to use all those teeth he got so early. It looks like we will have to wait a little longer. Last week we went to dinner at Cosi and as I held BB on my lap I placed a single bread crumb on his tongue and figure that would be okay. I figured wrong as the little guy proceeded to heave up an earlier meal on both of us. Of course a few years ago this would have put me off dinner, but I was hungry and this wasn’t my first rodeo. I guess BB won’t be eating turkey this Thanksgiving.

Sure I Washed My Hands

fingers-in-mouthRecently, BB has discovered a new game of sorts. Whenever I am near him he likes to put his fingers in my mouth. So what’s the game you ask? I’m not sure how he keeps score but it feels like he is giving himself one point to stab my gums with his fingernail, two points if he can make me choke and three points to full on fish hook my cheek. Setting aside the grossness of how unclean his fingers are the real problem is that his new activity hurts. He especially loves playing when he is in the front carrier. He wiggles an arm free and up in order to hook my lip when I least expect it. We may need to take him to a specialist as he seems to laugh the more I yelp in pain. Thankfully with the winter’s fast arrival his weapons will be covered in mouth safe mittens.