All know well BB’s reluctance to consume solid food and everyone knows this kid’s gag reflex has a hair trigger. However, the nutritionist wanted him to eat solids asap but that did not go well. After our 9/10 month appointment and a nice conversation with our doctor he explained that it doesn’t make sense to force solids on him if all he is going to is puke. He suggested doing it very slowly and that like all things it would take time. So every now and then we try different items in an attempt to get BB to use all those teeth he got so early. It looks like we will have to wait a little longer. Last week we went to dinner at Cosi and as I held BB on my lap I placed a single bread crumb on his tongue and figure that would be okay. I figured wrong as the little guy proceeded to heave up an earlier meal on both of us. Of course a few years ago this would have put me off dinner, but I was hungry and this wasn’t my first rodeo. I guess BB won’t be eating turkey this Thanksgiving.
Recently, BB has discovered a new game of sorts. Whenever I am near him he likes to put his fingers in my mouth. So what’s the game you ask? I’m not sure how he keeps score but it feels like he is giving himself one point to stab my gums with his fingernail, two points if he can make me choke and three points to full on fish hook my cheek. Setting aside the grossness of how unclean his fingers are the real problem is that his new activity hurts. He especially loves playing when he is in the front carrier. He wiggles an arm free and up in order to hook my lip when I least expect it. We may need to take him to a specialist as he seems to laugh the more I yelp in pain. Thankfully with the winter’s fast arrival his weapons will be covered in mouth safe mittens.
BB has a new habit that I don’t remember LTD having, unless I blocked it out on purpose, and I’m not loving it. BB won’t eat solid food but he does try and eat me. Any time I lie on the floor to watch him or play with him at some point he will crawl on me and head for my face. Like a python he opens his mouth to full maw and tries to either eat my nose or chin. One time I was on side, which turned out to be a mistake, and he saw a rare opportunity to hit a normally tough target, my ear. I’m not sure which was grosser the amount of drool he deposited in my lobe or the sound he made while doing it. Okay, the drool was definitely grosser. I don’t know what it is about my face that he finds so tasty but I need to bottle it and pour it on some real food to try and get this kid to eat solids soon or else we’re going to have to order a copy of, How to Raise a Well-Adjusted Cannibal.
The Mommy and I had a discussion about putting up the huge gate again for BB. Our decision was that the gate really cut the living room in half and was pretty cumbersome. However, we may need to modify our plan and get a gate for just the stairs. Why? Because BB is what they call mission specific. When placed on the ground anywhere on the first floor he immediately and quickly races to the stairs and begins his ascent. The only exception to his quest lies in the brief distraction of being placed next to his toy kitchen or a pile of toys. Of course, after a short spell he remembers that his mission is to climb the stairs and he makes a bee line for the steps. And yes, after he climbs the first few he stops and looks back with a devils grin to suggest that he knows he is getting away with something. He is so consistent with his stair goal that I am trying to figure out a way to generate electricity like a hamster in a wheel, but so far have been unsuccessful in my power venture. And yes, we do stand behind him while he climbs to the top and then bring him back down to start the process over.
Among the annoyances taking place during BB’s bottle strike none have reached the level of destruction quite like his diaper treatment. Because I have to mix the breast milk in with his food (the sippy cup ain’t working either) he has been eating a lot more solids. What goes in most come out and he is just destroying his diapers. The poo is always voluminous, frequent and overflowing. Thankfully, most of the time he has been making in the morning when we are still at home so he is only wrecking his PJs, sheets and anything in his path. When he shoots the poo up his back and down his legs when we are in a store, the only thing you can do is pray. Oh and before I forget and I know you are wondering, the smell is just brutal. If things continue in this vain we will have to move into a barn because our current residence isn’t zoned for livestock.
I know about the baby yoga and I know that most babies do it, but BB clearly has taken things to a whole new level. We are talking about creating art or some sort of performance piece. When BB sleeps he doesn’t just put his butt in the air. He really puts his butt in the air. He drives his face into the mattress and rams that rear to the sky like he is getting paid to break some sort of world record. And all I can do is look at him and think about what things in my neck would snap if I tried to replicate his pose. But he loves it and frankly, if he can sleep that way and actually sleep then who am I to mess with something that ends up giving a good night’s sleep to everyone in the family.
It seems BB has sided with Congress and has picked this week to go on strike. Starting on Monday, he refused his bottle. I’m talking didn’t want it even a little bit. He literally bats it away and if he could talk I’m sure he would say, “get that out of my face.” Thankfully, he is still getting milk from The Mommy and he is eating solids as fast as I can buy them. Who knows how long this bottle strike will last, but bizarrely his approval ratings haven’t dipped. BB also chose this week to protest being placed in his car seat. Now whenever I try to put him in, he goes rigid and has to be sweet talked and distracted to fold at the waist. We have entered negotiations and hopefully the baby shutdown will end soon, but so far the meetings have had a lot more drool then I am used to seeing in the conference room.
I don’t remember it being this hard when LTD was a baby and I know I was never good at it, but BB has taken things to a whole new level when it comes to getting dressed. From the diaper to the pants and shirt trying to get BB to not be naked is like trying to nail Jello to the wall. In terms of the diaper you need a major distraction to get him to simply stay on his back; I have given up on getting him to stay still. Anything short of a full on production number that would get you a gig on Broadway and he immediately flips over. Once I manage to get the diaper on and after I have been given oxygen and a saline drip so that my strength can return I begin trying to get the pants and shirt on. The days of doing this on the changing table are soon coming to a close as the dance we do is to conducive to heights. On the ground things are a bit more manageable except where my lower back is concerned, but at least the struggle can be contained. Of course once I do manage to get him dressed I spend the day hoping the outfit stays food and drool free because I’m no hero I can only fight the clothes battle once a day.
While it’s true that BB looks at LTD in a special way, the practice is having unintended consequences. We love the fact that the baby looks up to his big brother and arent’ really bothered by the fact that he stares at him in a special way, a look that he doesn’t use when peeping us. However, now that BB is nine months old the brother bond has taken the boys down a path filled with mischief. Where am I going with this, you ask? They wind each other up, usually at bed time all it takes is LTD getting in BB’s grill to make a funny face and that sets off the baby laughing which in turn encourages LTD to up his game resulting in a certain unhelpful pre-sleep volume. You would think The Mommy and I would be jealous that BB doesn’t laugh at our antics the way he does his brother, but how can you feel anything but joy knowing that sibling fun is being had and no one is getting punched.
You can file this one under, I have no idea why he does it. Over the last few days, BB has developed a nasty habit. Every time he wishes to show that he loves someone he slaps them in the face. He does it only to The Mommy and me and only when he is happy to see us. I don’t want to make excuses for him, but you can just see it in his eyes that he is expressing love, but man that song was right, it does indeed hurt. Hopefully, he will grow out of it because if this keeps up my face won’t be able to survive his adulthood.