Posts Tagged stay at home

LTD the human tornado has firmly put one object in his sights, the recycle bin. The little guy is obsessed with both the paper bin and the plastic/metal bin. On the one hand I let him have at it because it occupies his attention for longer than most things and isn’t really dangerous. However, if you talk about one hand you have to talk about the other. He makes a wicked bad mess. The plastic isn’t so bad, I just pick it all up and put in back in the bin and besides he keeps me honest because now I make sure to thoroughly wash everything. The paper is a different story. You see, LTD takes his career as the human tornado very seriously and while on the job he makes sure to not only pull all the paper goods out of the bin but also to rip them apart into tiny little pieces. It would appear the terms of his tornado contract specifically state that he does not have to clean up after shredding. I hope the collectors appreciate that he is doing their job for them.

LTD and I have a pretty tight daily routine. However, the routine can be a cruel goddess, she gives with one hand and takes with the other. The benefits of our routine keep us from going into the tall grass. Kids need structure and I need a schedule to follow when I’m too tired to think straight. Also, it’s important to note that the routine doesn’t destroy creativity or spontaneity, rather it allows the little guy to take a nap and eat meals without getting hungry enough to have a level five meltdown. The routine is great if someone else has to take care of LTD, he hardly notices we’ve gone.

The flip side to the positive aspects of the daily routine lie in the brutal soul stripping sameness of every day activities. In and out of the car, putting the shoes and socks back on, and my personal demon the highchair tray. It seems as if I am always washing it. And let’s not forget the diapers or telling him to stop sticking his finger in the dog’s eye. One simple ritual from our daily routine somehow manages to make everything else worth doing every day. LTD will wander behind the couch and then pop out, open is mouth into a huge gaping grin and say, ‘ahhhhh.’

Another day another baby milestone. Unfortunately, LTD’s new favorite thing to do is loud, destructive and annoying. That’s right, folks, the little guy has taken to banging things on the coffee table. It was bad enough when he tries to eat the coffee table, but now he is really testing the structural integrity of both the table and my ears. However, I can’t help but feel this is karmic pay back from my Hulk phase when I was a lad. I don’t want you to think he is obsessed with just the table; he also bangs things on the floor, the cabinets and my head.

The amazing thing about the little caveman’s smashing fetish is that he hasn’t actually smashed anything. I chalk this up to the toys being well made and the surprising strength of the varnish on the coffee table. Sadly, I fear the first thing to go will be my head. The bright side to all this banging that I assume as he grows this behavior will stop. I mean how long can a little boy really enjoy smashing and hitting things?

As a general rule, I don’t usually wear a ball cap and indeed for most of my life I never did. However, three years ago at my wedding, my boys saw fit to finally get me a worthy crown or more accurately they got my wife one. During the wedding reception my groomsmen decided to arrange a little tribute for me. The three of them know more than most my devotion to all things Magnum, PI related and so in his honor they had my new wear a Tom Selleck mask and Detroit Tigers baseball hat. I know what you’re thinking, and your wrong it worked perfectly and wasn’t at all weird. Anyway, I kept the hat and wear it when the sun is bright and my hair is sticking up. My point for opening up this can of worms is that a certain baby has taken to stealing my lucky hat and claiming it’s power for himself.

Whether it’s putting him in his car seat or changing his diaper, when I’m wearing my Magnum hat around LTD it doesn’t stay on my dome long. Not only does he grab it off my head he laughs while he is doing it. Does he try to wear it, no he does not, he of course tries to eat it. I think he likes the little button on top. On the surface it seems harmless, but sometimes I just want to wear my hat and he makes doing that simple thing impossible. In the be careful what you wish for category, let’s see how much he likes it when I get him his own junior sized Tigers hat, make him fall in love with it and then I’ll try and eat it. I learned revenge from the two-part season three Magnum episodes, Did You See the Sunrise?

Now that LTD has become fond of standing up in his crib, he reminds me of that one scene from every prison movie where the newly jailed convict thrashes against the bars demanding to see the warden. What used to be the safe loving environments of the crib and playpen has now become “baby jail.” Instead of a metal cup, he drags his pacifier across the bars protesting his incarceration. My philosophy mirrors McGruff the Crime Dog, ‘don’t do the crime, if you can’t do the time.’ I guess some would argue that crawling towards the dog dish isn’t really a crime, but I would suggest that those people never had to go to the bathroom during the day. Don’t call Amnesty International just yet, the little guy doesn’t mind being in captivity as long as it isn’t for too long. In fact, sometimes he plays with his toys just fine on the inside before he gets paroled. And if he should feel like taking a nap while in the penitentiary all the better, besides I hear that is a good way to pass the time.

Last week, I had a rare weekday hour off from LTD. I dropped the little guy at The Mommy’s office on her lunch break while I had a nice little mini holiday. That’s right I now live in a world where going to the dentist is basically a vacation. As I lay in the chair, blood pouring from my mouth (turns out you are suppose to floss daily), I closed my eyes and thought it might be possible to fall asleep. In fact, I think I would have been able to actually count some Z’s if the drill grinding hadn’t echoed around my skull like act one of Stomp. Our weekday routine is pretty set and it has to be for LTD’s sake, but it was nice to do something different even if it did involved a lone tear sliding down my face. Sadly, I didn’t have any cavities so there is no need to go back until another six months has passed.