From the ‘you know you are a father files’ comes a tale of cuteness. A few weeks ago, I was wearing khakis and a blue t-shirt as I do at least once a week when LTD came downstairs wearing a blue t-shirt and light pants and announced he was dressed just like daddy. The next day when he was getting ready for bed he wore just a pair of shorts, again to be just like daddy. At first I was thinking of all the mad possibilities of us dressing like twins or that I could finally complete his transformation into mini me, but cooler heads prevailed as he hasn’t dressed like me or mentioned anything about it since. However, the memory will always be one I have of the little guy once again being sweet and let’s hope he keeps his hair so in the future he actually isn’t just like daddy.

As May is National Asthma and Allergy Awareness Month these tips by Robin Wilson is CEO of Robin Wilson Home, and an ambassador for The Asthma and Allergy Foundation of America, will be useful.

Is your pillow killing you, or at the very least making you sick?  Do your kids suffer from asthma and allergies?  When was the last time you changed or even cleaned their pillow?  Most people don’t even realize how long they’ve had the same pillow – some going as long as 10 years or more without a new one or even cleaning their existing one.

-       All pillows need to be housed in a pillow protector or zippered pillow cover in addition to a pillow case. This will help keep out unwanted germs and fungi such as dust mites, bugs, dead skin and other dangerous bacteria.

-       Wash your pillow at least twice a year to keep it clean, and for allergy and asthma sufferers make sure and use synthetic pillows over feathered ones, and anti-allergen or hypoallergenic pillow cases and covers.

-       Toss two pillows in the washing machine at a time. This way, the machine will stay balanced while it spins.  If you are only washing one pillow, counterbalance by using towels or a small blanket.

-       Use the natural sunlight to dry your pillows as sunlight kills bacteria. Usually up to six hours on each side is sufficient.

-       To reduce the amount of bacteria that can impact your sleeping environment and get into your pillow, keep pets out of the bedroom and avoid wall-to-wall carpeting which is a breeding ground for dust mites.

-       As you make your bed each morning, fluff feather and down pillows to get rid of dust and redistribute the filling.

-       Get a new pillow every three years.

Each week at LTD’s school they study a different topic, some weeks it’s snow or recycling. Last week they were talking about bugs. Of course, the little guy’s favorite bug is the ladybug. As he was drawing said ladybug he told one of his teachers the following direct quote.
“This is my giant ladybug. He is so giant. We can do high jumps. He ate my name.”

Here is an interesting article about finding a new name for stay at home dads. Some of the suggestions are really really weak. Click Here.

Mother’s Day without Mom by Martin Spinelli, bestselling author of After the Crash.

It happens every year.  My son Lio will be sitting in class when his teacher will announce that next creative and fun activity will be making a Mother’s Day card.  Even six years after the death of Lio’s mom, when the children have colored pens in hand and construction paper at the ready, I’ll get a slightly anxious phone call from that teacher asking what she should do with my Lio for this project.  I’ll tell her to just ask Lio what he wants to do.  With a sigh, the teacher will usually apologize and say that Lio’s situation had slipped her mind.

These regular memory lapses on the part of Lio’s teachers don’t ever surprise me.  Everyone has a mother, don’t they?  It doesn’t bother me either, not in the slightest.  I take it as a sign that they think of Lio as perfectly normal and like every other kid in the class.  This makes me feel that we’ve done something right.

But I would be lying if I said Mother’s Day wasn’t a bit difficult for us.  Of course we feel the lack of Sasha (Lio’s mother and my wife) in our lives.  It’s a lack that can still catch us every week—a lack we feel more on holidays and especially and obviously on Mother’s Day.

One year in school, when Lio was quite young, he decided he wanted to make me a card for Mother’s Day.  I’ll never forget the pride on his face when he presented it to me and my heart swelled to bursting at his understanding that I was not just the father who played ball with him and built things with him in the garage, but that I was also doing my best to be a kind of “mother” too, with hugs and cake baking and simply holding him when he wanted to cry.

In the six years that have passed now since we lost our dear Sasha, I’ve think I’ve learned a few things about making the best of Mother’s Day and, more importantly, about raising a child without a mother.  While every situation is different and every family will find the path that works best for them through their own loss, here are my own lessons:

1. Don’t let Mother’s Day pass unnoticed.  Do something special, whether it’s going to a baseball game or doing something more closely connected to Mom.  Trying to ignore the meaning of a day that’s so prominent in our popular culture can make you both miss her all the more.

2. Let your children take the lead on Mother’s Day.  If they want to “remember,” then get out the photo albums and go for a hike along her favorite trail.  If they want to put some space between themselves and the loss, go and watch a movie at the mall and remind yourself that that’s OK too.

3. Be flexible.  As you’re trying to fill the gaps in your child’s life left by a missing mom, recognize that mothers do different things at different stages in a child’s life.  There’s no point in denying that in our culture fathers tend to push and praise, while mothers tend to support, encourage and console.  Your child is going to need different doses of these things at different times.  You may not be an expert on psychology, but you are an expert on your child, so stay tuned in to their needs and try to bring to them the kind of energy they need at the moment.

4. Take heart where you can.  This is a hard thing for me to write, but when my son Lio lost his mom he gained a devoted and committed father the likes of which he would have never known if his mother hadn’t been killed.  We have a parent-child relationship like few others I’ve seen, and this is a tremendously good thing.  Remember also that there are numerous studies that show that children who lose a parent through death do better developmentally, emotionally and socially than children who loose a parent through a particularly nasty separation.

5. Create some quality time with grown-up women.  Both boys and girls should have some positive examples of grown women in their lives in order to develop well.  Organize a regular one-on-one lesson with a woman teacher for an activity that your child enjoys.  Lio has a long weekly music session with a woman that often spills over into something social.  Even having a regular adult baby-sitter one night a week will get this job done.

6. Don’t be shy about getting help.  If you find yourself confused or struggling, find a counselor.  Failing that, reading some good parenting books will help give you the insight you need to get through the difficult patches.  (This seems particular true for single fathers of young-teenaged girls.)  Trusting your instincts will generally serve you well, but nowhere is it written that you have to do this all on your own.

7. Know when to let go.  (This is a lesson that I’m still working to learn.)  There is going to come a time when your child is not got going to need or want a mother or a father in the way they did when they were young.  Going through the loss of mom together will have strengthened your bond.  While this is a great thing, it’s probably going to make the letting go harder.  But console yourself in the knowledge that it will probably be harder for you than it is for your child.  The real trick here is giving yourself permission to be happy when this moment does arrive.  It’s the biggest thing to be proud of.

Martin Spinelli is a writer, radio producer and professor. His bestselling book After the Crash tells the story of his son’s miraculous recovery and his own personal transformation. Find him online at www.martinspinelli.com.

This is one of those small things that isn’t really laugh out loud funny but when you keep hearing it over and over it starts to get a little silly. LTD does not know how to use the word tomorrow or he simply chooses not to say it out loud. What the little guy does do when he wants to do something in the future is say ‘the next day.’ As in Daddy the next day can we go to the playground? It is particularly amusing when he will tell someone else something he is excited about. For instance, he may tell one of his teachers that the next day he is going to the zoo. So we can file this one under cute instead of hardcore laughter.

We will file this one under I can’t believe I missed it. The Mommy took LTD and BB to a spring picnic hosted by the mom group. All the kids were running around playing with what seemed like new toys (well new to everyone but the hosting child) and releasing a ton of energy. A little while into the gathering LTD stumbled on a Batman costume which as luck would have it was just his size. After he donned the outfit and became the caped crusader here is what The Mommy says happened next. He ran around the house fighting crime, but when he happened on the group of girls who were coloring quietly things took an interesting turn. Even though everyone was only four, the girls giggled and swooned over the Batman. LTD ran off to find The Mommy for guidance as he was now in uncharted waters. The Mommy informed him that the girls need help. His words were, ‘I will go and save them’ and he ran off. The Mommy could hear, from her listening post in the kitchen, the sounds of giggling and ‘yeeee, it’s Batman’. Now the only thing left to figure out about the flirting was if it was the man or the costume.

One of the great joys of watching LTD grow has been seeing his imagination develop first hand. If you listen carefully you can hear what sound like the ravings of a lunatic when LTD is in bed about to go to sleep. Sometimes the stuffies talk to each other and sometimes he “reads” books out loud. As long time Beyond the Car Seat readers have always known LTD does love his costumes and role play. Thankfully, he does not get lost in the characters he portrays for if you say, ‘are you Batman?’ he will reply no I am just dressed up in a Batman costume. A healthy attitude that allow him to keep his feet on the ground, but his eyes on the stars. From making up words to making up games his imagination seems to get more and more developed by the day. However, I would be remiss if I did not point out that when he makes up a joke they don’t really land the way you would like but he does get a sympathy laugh.

The Sleep Late Contest

Enter Beyond the Car Seat’s Sleep Late Contest. Winner will receive The Stoplight Alarm Clock. If you have the same problems that we have dealing with LTD in the AM, then this cool prize is a must have.

The Stoplight Alarm Clock features a friendly, beautifully-crafted sculpted figure next to a stoplight. The stoplight features red and green lights that can be easily set by parents. A digital clock and optional beeping alarm function are also included.

When the red light is on, kids will understand that it is still time to sleep. When the green light turns on, kids will know that it is time to get out of bed.

For a chance to win this great prize, simply fill out the contact form and write “Sleep Late” in the subject line.

The Fine Print

How to Enter:
Enter your information using the contact form. Please fill out all the information and don’t forget your email address. Winner will be chosen at random.

Stoplightclock.com graciously provided the prize. Any opinions I might have about the toy remain my own and have not been influenced by Custom Quest..

Eligibility:
Contestants must be at least 18 years of age at the time of entry and legal residents of the 50 United States and District of Columbia. Void in Puerto Rico, and where prohibited by law or regulation. All entries become the property of beyondthecarseat.com.

The Contest begins on April 24, 2013 and ends on May 15th, 2013. Contest winner will be announced on May 16th, 2013.

Copyrights:
By entering into the Contest, each contestant agrees to grant beyondthecarseat.com and its owners/operators permission to copy and publish to beyondthecarseat.com any and all writings submitted by the contestant. NO PURCHASE IS NECESSARY TO ENTER OR WIN.

If your life is anything like mine then you tell your kid to take their finger out of their nose about 67 times a day. Boogie Wipes is spending this April in a bid to allow parents to retire that often repeated phrase. If your children, “Pledge to Save the Sleeve” your family could win one of 1,000 Save the Sleeve Kits. Each one is stuffed with Boogie Wipes temporary tattoos, a backpack button, Boogie Wipes samples, and coupons. Good luck.Click Here.